


Comfort Food

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 10:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I have a vast collection of classic Hollywood films and hard liquor.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort Food

The ringing cell phone brought him out of his sleep like a wrecking ball. It was always on vibrate; he had no idea how the ringer got turned on. Rafael reached out from under the blanket and grabbed it, not knowing who it was or what was happening.

“Hello?”

“Barba? Hey, I know you're sleeping and I'm so sorry but…”

“Liv?” he woke up some, rubbing his eyes. Her voice didn’t quite sound frantic but it didn’t sound like regular Olivia either. “Are you alright?”

“I can't sleep. I've tried…I've been trying for hours. I feel trapped. I feel like the walls are closing in on me every time I close my eyes. I walked around the apartment and turned on all the lights because I'm scared of the dark sometimes. Please don’t tell anyone I told you that. I took two Zoloft because I was sure I was having a heart attack about an hour ago.”

“Anxiety meds don’t help heart attacks.” Throwing off the covers, Rafael swung his bare feet off the bed.

“I'm well aware of that. It just felt like a heart attack. That’s what anxiety attacks can mimic.”

“I know.” He was well aware of those symptoms. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“Maybe I would have if I could sleep.” Olivia replied. “I'm so tired, but I'm just,” her voice cracked. She wasn’t sure what to say. Something deep inside of her said that he would understand but that didn’t mean it was OK to drop it all on him. She should’ve called Dr. Lindstrom but it was God knows what time o’clock and that wasn’t exactly fair either.

“Do you wanna take a walk?”

“A walk? Barba, it’s…what time is it anyway?”

“I really have no idea. Look, I’ll come over and we’ll take a walk. You could probably use the fresh air. There's a nice rain out so the usual suspects have gone inside to seek shelter. The streets are empty…Manhattan will be all ours. It'll be like an indie film without the kickass soundtrack. I could be the Ethan Hawke to your Julie Delpy…or something.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.” Olivia said.

“Hey now, I'm not a bad Ethan Hawke when the need arises. You're not asking me, Liv. I think it might be a good idea. We can stop at the soup place near you that for some strange reason is open for 22 hours a day.”

“I swear they're a front for something but the soup is really good.”

“Comfort food on a chilly night is always good.”

“Rafael…”

“Uh uh, you're using my first name. Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”

Olivia laughed some and it made Rafael smile. What she had been through at the hands of William Lewis was nothing short of hell. And while he didn’t know her at the time, the ADA was well aware that in the course of her job Olivia found herself in situations where she was victimized. She had PTSD; surely her time with that psycho only exacerbated that. There were parts of him that wanted to know what happened so that he could help her. 

There were other parts of Rafael that was sure if he knew that he would crumble. Being strong for her was important to him. He knew that she was tough enough to get through this. Olivia Benson was one of the toughest people he'd ever met. That didn’t mean she was going to go through it alone. Rafael didn’t want to push because that would only make her push back. He just made sure that she knew he would be there.

“I can be there in 20 minutes.” Rafael said.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“At this hour…yes. Getting a cab should be no problem. Throw on some sweats, OK?”

“OK.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a little while.”

“Thanks, Counselor.”

“Anytime.”

Rafael hung up the phone. He turned to look at his sleeping companion. Sighing, he ran his fingers through Trevor’s hair. Then he leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“I gotta go.” He whispered.

“Who died?” Trevor mumbled.

“Liv needs me.”

“Who died?” he repeated.

“No one, go back to sleep.” Rafael kissed him again. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“Be careful.”

He nodded though Trevor couldn’t see that. Rafael didn’t even know if his companion had actually woken up. Getting out of bed, he went over to the dresser and grabbed some clothes. It was a chilly night so he put on black track pants and a long sleeved black shirt. He grabbed a crimson Harvard windbreaker from the closet. 

There was a pad on the dresser so he left a note for Trevor. _Went to help out Liv. We talked but you were asleep. Sorry for running out on you, we’ll talk soon_. His house keys and wallet in his pocket, Rafael went to the front door and left the condo.

***

“You're wet.” Olivia said when she opened the door.

“I was down in my lobby before I realized I left my umbrella upstairs. I didn’t want to waste more time or wake…” Rafael stopped. “I figured you would have one. I didn’t get too wet.”

“I have a big one.” She took it from the umbrella stand in front of her door. “Is it very cold?”

“Chilly, but I wouldn’t call it cold. A jacket should be good.”

Nodding, Olivia took a hoodie off her coat hook and they walked out. She and Rafael didn’t talk while walking down the stairs and out of the front door of her building. It was dark and quiet outside. Olivia’s neighborhood could get lively sometimes; the weather tonight kept that to the minimum. She put up her umbrella, Rafael slipped his arm in hers, and they walked. The soup place was four blocks down and two blocks over. They moved in that direction.

“Who didn’t you want to wake?” she asked. Olivia wasn’t sure that she would but when she opened her mouth that was the first thing that came out. She didn’t want to butt into Rafael’s personal life but she also didn’t want to take him away from things that were important to him.

“My neighbors.” He replied. “I think he owns a gun…I don’t want to end up on the 6 o’clock news that way.”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t be good. I'd avenge you, if it came to that.”

“That pleases me greatly.”

“I feel like you should be rubbing a fluffy white cat while saying that.” Olivia looked at him.

“I'm allergic to cats.” Rafael said.

“If the cat kills you, I’ll avenge you.”

The ADA laughed, rubbing her arm. He wanted to ask when the last time that she slept was but they fell into a comfortable silence. Many were in consensus thinking that Olivia went back to work too soon after the Lewis ordeal. What was she expected to do though, sit at home and replay what happened to her in her head? 

Her captain reminded her that therapy was mandatory and Rafael knew she obeyed. The trial was coming soon so that had to be on Olivia’s mind. It was on his, even though he did his best not to think about it. He would have to cross examine that smug son of a bitch…there was little doubt Lewis would take the stand. Guys like that couldn’t get enough of being the center of the universe.

“I left work early this evening, my captain’s suggestion.” Olivia broke the silence. “I hadn’t slept well last night so I ended up crashing on the couch. I woke up screaming in a cold sweat. I don’t remember what the dream was about.”

“I wasn’t going to ask.”

“Everyone asks.” She said.

“Why do you think that is?” he asked.

“I don’t want to think it’s because they're all sadistic. People just…they want to help I guess. They just feel like they have to have all the information, to be able to analyze it for themselves, to help you. It makes no sense.”

“I wouldn’t use the term sadistic…people are morbidly curious.”

“Curious about what? Curious if I've been raped? Curious to how I screamed when burned with cigarettes? Curious to how I escaped when other women didn’t?”

“It’s ‘there but for the grace of God’ syndrome, Liv. It doesn’t fall on you; it falls on the public. That’s why reporters blew up your phone for over a month after you were rescued.”

“I can't imagine what kind of questions they'd want me to answer.” She said.

“Yes you do, which is exactly why you declined every interview.”

Olivia nodded. There was no way that she intended to relay or replay every moment of her ordeal for people to read in the papers or online. From the day she joined SVU, Olivia used her experiences to help others who’d been victimized. She planned to use this as well. In helping a man, woman, or child stand up to their trauma, Olivia would receive strength. 

She still had to face Lewis down again. It wasn’t over. There was a long road ahead, she planned to come out on top. She put guys like Lewis away every day and she would take him down too.

“It feels really good out here.” She said.

“Agreed.” He nodded.

“Can we put the umbrella down for just a bit, maybe a block or so?”

“OK.”

Olivia closed the umbrella, holding it in right hand. Her left arm was still firmly in Rafael’s. He put up the hood of his windbreaker and then stopped walking. Olivia had to as well. 

Turning to face her, he smiled and put her hood up. That made Olivia smile. They went back to walking. At the next red light there was a man walking his bichon frise. He was wearing pajama pants and a yellow slicker.

“Never get a dog.” He mumbled, gently tugging on the dog’s leash as he sniffed Olivia. “I'm sorry, he has a thing for brunettes.”

“It’s OK.”

They crossed at the green light with the man and his dog, but the other pair turned to walk down the other block.

“You ever think about getting a dog?” Rafael asked.

“I have actually. My mother used to say it would be good for me. With my work hours, I just don’t think it’s a good plan. Dogs need love and attention. I couldn’t imagine leaving him in the apartment all day while I work. Brian works just as much, if not more, than I do. It’s not a good idea.”

“How is Brian?” it hurt the ADA to ask that question. He soothed himself with several things. One, being Olivia Benson’s boyfriend wasn’t the only reason he didn’t like Brian Cassidy. Two; no that was the only thing.

“I don’t know.” Olivia shrugged some. “He's undercover right now and I haven’t seen him in a few weeks. That might be better.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Is it alright that I don’t want to talk about that?” she asked.

“Absolutely. I would never butt into your personal business except for sport, Liv.” Rafael smiled. “I just know that he's not always around so you're alone. And there's nothing wrong with that but if you ever want company, I'm around. I have a vast collection of classic Hollywood films and hard liquor.”

“You also have a very comfortable couch.” She looked at him.

“Mmm hmm.” He nodded, taking the umbrella and opening it again. “That’s important. We could do a movie night once a week. Pizza, popcorn, and any movies we want.”

“That sounds nice.” Olivia smiled as they turned the corner. They were pretty close to the soup and sandwich place.

“We can do it whenever you want. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen _Foreign Correspondent_. It’s in my top 5 Hitchcock films but never gets the respect its due. I'd love to know what you think of it.”

“So we’ll have a Hitchcock night. We’ll watch _Foreign Correspondent_ and… _The Birds_.”

“ _North by Northwest_.” Rafael said at the same time. “OK, we can flip a coin for it.”

“Or just watch _Shadow of a Doubt_.” Olivia said. “No one turns down watching _Shadow of a Doubt_. I always wanted to have a hero Uncle as a little girl since my dad wasn’t there. Uncle Charlie scared me witless.”

“I thought he was one of the most brilliant men I'd ever seen onscreen.” Rafael said. “I know the rules; you can't root for the murderer. But he's got a couple of soliloquies in that film that still give me shivers.”

They walked into the soup and sandwich place. The girl behind the counter seemed both surprised and relieved to see customers at this hour. She looked as if the 80s pop music playing overhead was slowly driving her out of her mind. Just ten minutes after ordering, Rafael and Olivia were sitting at a rain soaked window with their food. She had tomato bisque soup with half a grilled cheese sandwich. Rafael had New England clam chowder with extra crusty French bread.

“Thanks, Counselor.”

“For what?” Rafael tore off his bread and dipped it in the soup bowl. This place was really delicious and while it might be a front for the Korean mob or Jordanian gun traffickers, as long as it remained open it would have his business.

“For tomato soup at,” she looked at her watch “3:49 in the morning. God, it’s late.”

“I meant it when I said you could call me at any time. I'm here if you need me, Liv, no questions asked.”

“But you left your neighbor behind.” Olivia didn’t look at him when she said it. She tasted her soup and took a bite of her sandwich.

“He's a friend too…he understands. I bet as soon as you get something warm and comforting in your belly sleeping will be easier.”

“I think the captain will be OK with my not coming in today. What about you, I'm sure you have a busy schedule.”

“Um, court at 11, court at 2, a possible plea meeting at 4:30, and staff meeting at 6. Those are just the things on my schedule. We all know anything can pop up.”

“You're going to be exhausted.” She felt bad about that. Rafael had an important job; he didn’t need to be there falling asleep at the wheel.

“I’ll sleep until 10, go straight to Centre Street, and tell my boss that my car broke down.”

“Good plan.” Olivia smiled. “I'm feeling more warm and comforted already.”

“Good.” He reached out, tentatively putting his hand on top of hers. “That’s what's most important to me.”

Olivia exhaled when he ran his finger across her knuckles. Everyone wanted to comfort her; she knew it was because they cared. But it overwhelmed her easily. It was hard to have people in her personal space without desperately wanting to escape. Luckily Brian was undercover somewhere…Olivia had no idea how she’d handle sharing a bed with someone right now. 

Rafael managed to keep a respectable distance while also holding out his hand for her. She wasn’t quite sure how but really appreciated it. There weren’t too many people she wanted to eat delicious soup with in a sketchy location at nearly 4 a.m. Olivia didn’t want nor need anyone to drop everything to help her get over hurdles. 

A lot of this battle she would have to fight on her own. Having him in her corner made her feel stronger though. That was something she couldn’t explain and having enough on her plate already, she wasn’t in a rush to. Rafael was there for her. For the time being that was enough; that was everything.

***


End file.
